The Power of Exercise

Despite a huge pharmaceutical intake over the weekend, I still haven't managed to shake off the cold that I've had for most of the last week, but somehow I managed to drag myself into work this morning.

I sniffed, coughed and spluttered my way through the morning.

My lunch consisted of a couple of cold and flu capsules with a pasta and egg salad on the side.

My head throbbed through the afternoon and by home time my nose was red raw from repeated blowing.

And yet, despite setting off with a heavy heart and a head full of dread, my run home was absolutely amazing. My head cleared almost instantly. My sinuses miraculously unblocked, my lungs filled with refreshingly cold January air and, if I'd been in that 1970s Tunes advert, I'd have been ordering a second-class return to Nottingham rather than Dottingham, no trouble.

I positively bounded the three miles home and by the time I arrived I was fit to face the world again.

How does that work then?

That Was The Year That Was (Part Three)

Come to sunny Arbroath...

Lanterns on the Lake audition for new drummer

On a cheerier note it's been a great year for holidays, festivals and gigs. I spent a week in April with my boys up in Scotland, visiting my brother and his wife. We had a few days at a holiday home in Kenmore on Loch Tay, then back to their place in Carnoustie. I also showed the boys my old stomping ground of Lancaster and Morecambe on the way home. Easter was spent camping at one of my favourite places in the whole world, Llanthony in the Black Mountains. I had a lovely long weekend - despite the weather - on Cape Cornwall in August and the same month saw the annual "Dads and Lads" camping weekend at Kitts Cottage in West Sussex. I went to the Green Man Festival in the Brecon Beacons for the first time this year. Although it was hard work with two young boys in tow, it had a great vibe and the highlight was an amazing late night set by Explosions in the Sky. I also met up with some old Uni friends, Leanne and Sue, for the first time in over 25 years. September saw the annual trip to the End of the Road Festival. Again some great acts - The Fall, Lanterns on the Lake, John Grant, M Ward and She Keeps Bees to name but a few - but the highlight was spending all day Sunday in a 6 foot Clanger outfit! Other musical highlights of the year have included Low, Jonsi, Scott Matthews, British Sea Power, Ash and Interpol.

As ever, it's been a proud year for me watching my boys grow up. Jay goes from strength to strength academically and he is still very much involved in Stagecoach and other drama groups. As well as appearing with me in Franky Panky, which was a great bonding experience, he also did a week at The Big Act's summer boot camp, culminating in a Grease/Mamma Mia/Glee production, and he appeared in Sleeping Beauty at the Savoy in Monmouth just before Christmas. He has also pleasantly surprised me by taking a really keen interest in football, and especially Pompey, this year. Will has struggled a bit with the move up from Infants to Junior class, and from Beavers to Cubs, this year and he can be quite a "trying" child at times, but when he is engaged in something he enjoys doing he is such a lovely boy, and he has a wicked sense of humour and mischief which far outweighs the "difficult" side to his personality. His drumming lessons are coming on well and that's something we can build on in 2012.

There have been some negatives in 2011 - due to lack of time I've had to pull back from the reading groups I started up in Bradley Stoke, it hasn't been the best of years in the workplace and, as ever, I still have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships - but I don't want to dwell on those other than that 2012 will no doubt provide opportunities to improve!
 

So what does 2012 have in store?

Well first up, tomorrow in fact, I start a new project at work. It's a bit more responsibility in that I'm the Task Leader and it's something that's a bit more related to my MSc thesis, so I'm looking forward to that challenge. Talking of the MSc, I need to raise my game on that in 2012 and the first task will be to really get my head down and tackle the literature review.

Tomorrow also sees the resumption of rehearsals for Confusions, HTC's February production. This is quite a departure from HTC Singers and Franky Panky in that it is "proper" acting, albeit still a comedy, and it will be interesting to see how that pans out.

Finally, on April 22nd I will be dragging my body around the streets of London as I compete (using the word in its' loosest sense!) in the 2012 London Marathon. I've just been keeping the fitness levels ticking over since I found out in November I had secured a place, but now the training starts in anger! And I've got a couple of events planned for along the way - the madness that is the Slaughterford 9 at the end of the month, and the Forest Half again on 1st April. Depression and mental health has featured quite strongly in my review of 2011, so it should come as no surprise that my chosen charity for the Marathon is Mind, an organisation that does a lot of good work for people with mental health issues. My fundraising page is now open, so please give generously.

That Was The Year That Was (Part One)

Apologies for not having blogged for a while. It's a busy time of year, apparently!

Whilst I'm not a great believer in celebrating arbitrary dates in arbitrary calendar systems, it seems an appropriate time to reflect on what has been a pretty remarkable year and look forward to the coming twelve months. And I'll make no apologies for deliberately reflecting on the positives and achievements.

The biggest change in my life in 2011 is that there is now a lot less of me than there was this time last year. In January I enrolled with Slimming World and I have lost 3½ stone in that time. Not only has this had obvious health benefits but it has made a huge psychological difference to me. I've had to get used to people complimenting me on how good I look, which has been quite a novelty. I've had to buy a whole new wardrobe and I can shop in "normal" shops again. I can dress with confidence instead of hiding behind unflattering clothes. But most of all I feel in control of my body again, which is so important for someone like me who has confidence and self-esteem issues and who has in the past used comfort and binge eating to deal with depression. And I've met some great people in the Slimming World group. The eating plan itself isn't rocket science. I think what makes you lose weight is the support you get from your fellow slimmers at the weekly meetings.

Alongside Slimming World, I continue to run, which obviously helps with the fitness and weight loss. My daily commute is no longer cycling, it is mostly on foot now. I also ran the Westonbirt 10k and the Forest of Dean Half Marathon in 2011. A bigger challenge awaits in 2012, more of which later. Running also hugely helps my mental well being. I feel great after a good run. I feel in tune with my body and I feel in control. Conversely I get really cranky if I go more than a couple of days without a run, as was the case when I was injured over the summer.

My relationship with alcohol also changed in 2011. I went from New Year to Easter without touching a drop, until I was led astray in the Welsh Mountains. I was on and off the drink over the summer, but as I write this I haven't had a drink since the last night of panto (see below) which was a very distant 64 days ago. I wouldn't have described myself as an alcoholic - I never drank alone or at home and I could easily go without a drink for long periods - but if I did have a drink I found it difficult to stop at one or two. This in itself wasn't the end of the world, but the drinking sessions would lead to over-eating, tiredness, poor decision making and eventually bouts of depression which, if I wasn't careful, became a vicious circle. Not drinking has obvious health (physical and mental) pay-offs as well as financial benefits, and I still find myself going out and enjoying myself just as much, but without the downside. So I'm going to keep off the sauce until at least April 22nd (see below for the significance of that date) and see how it goes. 

HTC Singers

It's behind you...

Fugue live at Pucklechurch

In February I was taken along to a performance of On the Town and Lazing Around by Horfield Theatre Company and I liked it so much that I joined the company! Initially I joined their newly-formed choir, HTC Singers, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience as we worked towards our inaugural summer concert. I hadn't sung in public since school and it was pretty nerve-wracking, especially my solo during the Les Mis medley. But it was a very rewarding experience to find out what I was capable of, to bring together a thoroughly professional show and to make lots of new friends in the process.

Following on from the success of the summer concert, I was talked into auditioning for HTC's next production, a Halloween panto - Franky Panky. Remarkably I got through the audition and landed the part of a simple villager named Horst Roff, a part that involved singing (OK), dancing (not so OK) and quite a few lines (gulp!). The rehearsal schedule was quite gruelling and I especially struggled with the dancing, both remembering and actually doing the routines. There were many tantrums along the way, but come October half term it all came together and we again put on a great show. Once again it was not only the thrill of being up on stage performing, but it was also the camaraderie and the friendships made along the way that made it all worthwhile.

Another spin-off from HTC has seen me dusting off the old drumsticks and getting behind the kit once more, following the launch of Fugue. (The nucleus of the band comes from HTC). After several months of rehearsals, we finally got our act together enough to perform on stage on the penultimate day of the year! We did four numbers at Pucklechurch Open Mic and it seemed to go down pretty well. So here's to bigger and better things for Fugue in 2012...

Why?

The football world is still coming to terms with the shocking news that Gary Speed has taken his own life at the ridiculously young age of 42. As the tributes pour in (and why do tributes always “pour” in?) the question everyone is asking is “why?” Why did a young man, at the top of his profession, with a wife and two teenaged boys, loved and respected by everyone in the game, decide to end it all so suddenly?

It would be unhelpful and disrespectful to speculate as to the reasons behind Gary Speed’s suicide – nobody truly knows what goes on inside the mind of people with mental health issues, if indeed that was the case. But, to me, the saddest aspect is that, whatever demons had taken over his mind, or whatever problems he had, he felt unable to turn to anyone for help. He was clearly a popular man and had a lot of friends both inside and outside the sport. But the extent to which the world has been utterly stunned by his death shows he was unable to confide in any of these friends.

It’s a sad reflection on our society that the stigma attached to mental health issues is so great that many people see suicide as preferable to admitting that they have an issue. And it’s also a tragedy that people don’t realise help is out there. Family and friends will listen, and they will understand, because they love you come what may. Mental illness is just that – an illness. It’s not your fault, it’s not a weakness, it’s just an illness that can affect anyone. And if you don’t feel you can turn to your loved ones, there are professionals who can help. Despite the government’s best efforts, we still have a wonderful mental health care system in this country and your GP should be your first port of call. But organisations like Mind, SANE and the MHF, and, if you do find yourself seemingly at the point of no return, the Samaritans, are also there to help.

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I’ve managed to get a place in the 2012 London Marathon. I’d already more or less made the decision to run for a charity, but Sunday’s events, and the realisation that, had I not turned to the professionals for help, that could easily have been me one day, have persuaded me that I should run for Mind. I’ll be setting up a fundraising page shortly. Hopefully I can raise some much needed cash and, equally importantly, raise people’s awareness of mental health issues and help break down the stigma surrounding mental illness. Your support will be greatly appreciated.

Gary Speed

8 September 1969 – 27 November 2011

RIP

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

I was asked the other night what music I listen to when I’m running. The answer is I don’t. For a start I don’t think I own any music with a recognisable beat that I could run to. Also, I like to maintain my situational awareness when I’m running, rather than block it out. But the main reason is that running time is my thinking time, the time when I disappear into my own scary little world for a while. Sometimes it can be extreme. In my last blog post I gave an example of a run where my thoughts led to such a shocking revelation that I literally couldn’t run for a while. Sometimes, however, it’s like luxuriating in a hot bath and just wallowing in thought, wherever it leads. This Sunday was a good example of that. 

2010 Westonbirt 10k - during my "large" phase!

My run started in the back streets and alleyways of the dull housing estate on which I live. The grey drizzle bleached the estate, leaving a blank canvas for my thoughts. Then colour started to appear. Families emerged from the centrally heated warmth of the little boxes they call home, dressed in their Sunday best for church, and I reflected on the faith that motivates them to do that every week. Sunday shoppers emerged as I passed the supermarket where you can “taste the difference”. I thought of the Sunday roasts being bought and, less generously, hangover cures for the members of the local student population who frequent that store. The student theme continued as I ran round the university campus, the keener ones shaking off their thick heads and making for the refuge of the library. I thought of the opportunity they are so fortunate to have and the possibilities their lives ahead are so full of. By way of contrast, my run took me next down the “Yellow Brick Road”, a winding downhill path that passes a former mental institution whose bright yellow façade glares starkly down at Bristol folk, tormenting us with silent screams of anguish and opportunities lost.

The cacophony of the motorway underpass briefly snapped me out of my dreaminess but I was soon back in thought as I entered Snuff Mills and Oldbury Court Estate, with its’ legions of dog walkers, duck feeders, volunteer gardeners, perambulating families and kids on bikes. I was particularly taken by one young girl in bright pink wellies, who was clearly discovering the joys of thick, gloopy mud for the first time. The path through here is part of the Frome Valley Walkway and it is such a delightful retreat from the surrounding madness of Bristol’s suburban sprawl. Likewise, Frenchay Common, which was next up, is a “proper” village green in the suburbs, with a pub, a church and a duck pond. I found time for my own private thoughts on this section of the run. I’d made a difficult decision the previous day, again related to last week’s post, and it was time now to reflect on how that decision, as hard as it was, will have positive outcomes in the future. I think this is the aspect of running I enjoy the most. The part when you’re in “the zone”. Mentally you’re firing on all cylinders, but physically you’ve completely switched off; your body is on auto-pilot and before you know it, three miles have passed. If only all the miles were like that!

The final third of the run was all about mental and physical toughness. This was my first 10-mile run in a long time and I wasn’t very well prepared. My legs and lungs were saying “no” but my mind was saying “yes”. This is often the hardness part of running; digging deep, drawing on whatever reserves you might have and finding that last bit of mental strength and sheer bloody-mindedness that drags you over the finish line.

I’m going to need to find a lot of that over the coming months. I found out on Friday that I’ve been lucky enough to secure a place in the 2012 London Marathon. 10 miles is less than half a marathon, so I’ve got a lot more thinking time ahead of me while I pound the local streets in preparation. I wonder how many times I will remind myself between now and April that it’s not “training” it’s “luxuriating in thought”!!!