When the Going Gets Tough

When I started this blog, I said I was going to use it therapeutically to write about my depression.

It hasn’t really worked out like that. Partly because my short blogging career has coincided with a period where I’ve, thankfully, largely been free from depression. And, I said I wanted to try and take a light hearted view of depression and, quite frankly, on the occasions when I’ve been really low I’ve not exactly been able to see the funny side of it!

And sometimes, like now, it’s just too bloody painful to write about, at least in any detail. This week in counselling, I’ve revealed stuff that’s been buried for 30 years and more. Things that I’ve not even felt able to talk to partners, family or close friends about. But it has to come out. Because the one thing that hurts more than remembering those painful episodes from the past, is the realisation that, because of those events, you’ve spent the rest of your life repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And that those mistakes have not only affected you but have also brought unhappiness to others, usually those you care the most about. And that, unless you do something about it, you’re going to keep on repeating those mistakes. That realisation came to me while I was out for a run this week. It was so shocking that I literally had to stop running, I could hardly breathe.

The only way to break the cycle is to tackle the underlying causes. And you can’t do that without seeking professional help and talking about them, rather than keeping them buried in the back of your mind. When the going gets tough, the tough get counselling! Which is what I am doing, but it’s going to be a long and painful journey, so please bear with me. 

 

I’ll finish with some “so whats”. Not necessarily light-hearted, but hopefully positive.

• If you’re suffering, don’t bottle it up, talk to someone
• If you need help, help is out there. Start with your GP and take it from there. Don’t be fobbed off with medication, get a referral to your local Community Mental Health Team
• Bullying really, really sucks. Don’t tolerate it in any way, shape or form